I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
