so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
