My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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