i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
