I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
