I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He felt like a one man threesome
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
