just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
