the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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