That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think a kid would responsible me up
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
