Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize