I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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