Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
