Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
