Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
