Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
