Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
