We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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