i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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