Sry I called you an 8
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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