You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
