Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
