we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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