Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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