Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
