All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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