I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
