just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
