In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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