broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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