how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
