just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
