They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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