break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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