Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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