she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
