I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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