Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
