kristin has been a bad kristin
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
