He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
