Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize