My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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