just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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