Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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