i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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