I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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