Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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