Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
NoShamevember. You game?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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