my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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