I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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