Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
