ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize