I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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