you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
