Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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