Sry I called you an 8
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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