i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
