found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
