No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
