Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
