I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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