I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
