So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
