Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
When are your genitals available?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
