Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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