Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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