I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
