Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
