she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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