8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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