Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
